A ray of light
by Xatram
Summary: Bad days. Kakashi had -and will- have a lot of them. And most of his birthdays were part of the "bad days of the year" group. But maybe that can finally change... / Kakashi's birthday oneshot!


I haven't written fics in years but I wanted to do something this time. I'm a day late but I made it! I included Mirai here because I think that her relationship with Kakashi (and Gai) can be very cute! Well, hope you like it.

(English is not my mother tongue so this may be plenty of errors. Sorry! Feel free to correct my grammar, please!)

 **Disclaimer** : these characters and universe aren't mine, they belong to Masashi Kishimoto

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Birthdays, for most people, are a celebration of life, a chance to think about all they achieved during the past year. And also, a time to look to the future. Wandering about what awaits us in a new phase of our life is a normal thing to do in our birthday, isn't it? But for a man who's been looking at the past for too long, it is difficult to think about these things on his birthday. Most of the times, it is just another bad day more.

Bad days. Kakashi had -and will- have a lot of them. And most of his birthdays were part of the "bad days of the year" group.

He doesn't remember the first ones. He knows that they were probably happy because he recalls some family images, but sadly he isn't lucky enough to have happy memories. Luck was never one of his strong points, and the bad memories that came right after that short happy life he had led blurred the rest of his childhood.

After his father's suicide, he just didn't care about his birthdays anymore. He hated _useless presents_ and he was too concentrated on other things to worry about absurd events like these. He thought that people gave importance to things arbitrarily and he didn't consider that becoming a year older was something worth a celebration. It was just what happened when you were alive. And being alive wasn't necessarily a god thing, it was just a _temporary_ state.

And then all his life turned upside down and he stopped thinking that birthdays were unimportant. On the other hand, he started considering that he _didn't deserve_ celebrating anything because he didn't merit being alive after what he had done. He spent ten years in ANBU waiting for his death, but somehow it didn't arrive. Why was he still surviving when he didn't deserve another birthday more? He kept thinking that for a long time.

When he became a teacher he started to smile more, but that didn't mean that he was happier. He knew that he wasn't a good teacher even if he tried so hard to do the right thing. He made mistakes, and suddenly he found himself on his own again. He still wasn't capable of looking to the future and his past continued haunting him every day. There was no place for birthdays. Some years he even forgot his own even if Gai tried to celebrate it every time.

Today it was his birthday again.

He had remembered it the night before, but he hadn't given it much importance. His work as Hokage was too demanding to get distracted with small things like birthdays. He only hoped that Gai didn't come along shouting about the joy of being young. Because at that point of his life, being thirty-three and having lived so many things, he could only feel deeply tired and old.

That morning he arrived at his office as usual. Shikamaru gave him some paperwork and left him alone to work, so he sat in his chair and sighed while opening the folder. It was a list of the new graduated gennins which he had to revise and sign. Looking at that list, where he found boys and girls of the age of eleven and twelve, he realized that he felt so tired because he had been a ninja for way too long. He graduated at the age of five and when he was seven he already had important missions because he was a chunnin. There was a war going on and he had to deal with too much pressure even for a talented child like he was.

He hated paperwork. But he didn't feel strong enough to go back to the battlefield again. Even if he had been able to find some peace after what happened with Obito, somehow he still felt exhausted. And weird. Where was his Sharingan? It wasn't a birthday present, but it was the most precious gift someone had ever given him. Without it, he felt lost, weak and lonely. Because Obito was not physically with him anymore. He had saved him another time and left him with the damn obligation of becoming the Hokage. And he was definitely not worth the title.

A knock in the door interrupted his thoughts. He looked up and mumbled a permission to enter. Four-year-old Mirai Sarutobi burst into his office.

"Happy birthday Hokage-sama!" She shouted excitedly and gave Kakashi a flower. The Hokage looked at her with curiosity and put the flower on his desk. "Mum told me it was your birthday. She also said that you don't like to celebrate it but everyone is talking about you. Birthdays are the best because you celebrate them with family… and friends! So don't be silly, Hokage-sama".

Kakashi was shocked for a moment but suddenly he found himself laughing. He was quite a depressive and boring old man, wasn't he? Mirai had been like a sudden ray of light that had cheered him up a bit. Maybe because she was such a strong and intelligent girl. Or because he saw in her the new generations of ninja he had to protect as the Hokage.

It was finally time to look to the future and stop being so selfish and weak. And it was going to be difficult, but Kakashi realized that he couldn't give up now. Or at least he was going to try. He had to make Obito and Rin proud of him.

Suddenly, Kurenai arrived at the office, looking for her daughter. "Mirai!" she shouted "I told you not to go to disturb the Hokage!" She was quite angry. Kurenai had always thought that Kakashi was a bit weird, but she respected his peculiarities. And she knew that he was a reserved man. "Sorry, Kakashi"

"Don't worry, Kurenai" quickly said Kakashi. He arose from the chair and smiled. "Thank you Mirai, that was very nice. I am very silly indeed" Kakashi walked to the door and looked back to the little girl "So let's celebrate, shall we? Work can wait. Go tell everyone that I invite them to Ichiraku"

Mirai looked at him with bright eyes and a big smile and run to make the announcement. Kurenai gazed at Kakashi. "This isn't very… _you,_ I'm quite surprised, Kakashi"

"Well…" he answered, putting on his Hokage cloak. "Maybe I need to be less _me_ for a while"


End file.
